Headstone

I am so grateful for the love of my life who is a wonderful father. Even more grateful that he understood that This Father's Day need to be about my dad.  We did celebrate Scott and gave him gifts but my main focus was on my dad who had a job on the other side that he needed to get to. They finally laid his headstone so we traveled up to the cemetery to see it on Father's day.  It was nestled right next to others of his family that have passed before him.  

When we got there we noticed a can of V8 one of my dad's favorite drinks.  I was left by my brother Jeff and his family that came earlier.  My mom and sisters brought flowers and my nephew Shane brought bottle rockets.  So fitting for my dad. It was good to talk to the kids about their grandpa and about heaven.  I think our understanding has helped all of us to get through this a little easier.  I know we all miss him terribly but we will be okay.  There are times when I break down and cry when a simple memory comes to the surface, or when I think of the things that he will miss or just because I miss him.  At times like that I just put myself to work because I know that's what he would want.

Some have asked if I feel angry about his passing, but I can honestly say no.  I feel sad at times but not angry.  I think what has helped me is that I was able to spend so much time with him at the end.  To talk to him, sit with him, snuggle next to him, and serve him, but also I wrote him a letter with all the things I thought he needed to know.  I felt like I left nothing unsaid.  Those things have helped me come to terms with his death.

His headstone turned out very nice and very him.  While it's nice to have a place to visit and acknowledge his life here on earth, I'd like to think his legacy of his wife and children are more acknowledgement of his life.

Tin foil tradition

Happy birthday Gerogia

Cousins showing cousins how to pee in the woods.  Its a learned skill

I am coming to realize there are going to be a lot of significant 1st's this year.  This was the first tin foil dinner up in the canyon without my dad.  He loved to take the family up to do tin foil dinners, and we hesitated in going wondering if it was too soon.  So we set it up for Father's day weekend.  Now none of us really enjoy the actual tin foil dinner part.  We usually find a way around it by cooking hot dogs or just bringing something else.  This time in honor of my dad who loved the traditional meat and potatoes  a lot us cooked them up.  It was pretty crowded up in the canyon this Saturday we were lucky to get a table in are usual area.  I'd like to think "Lucky" had a hand in it because we got the biggest camp ground and we never get that one. 

Paul eating a hot dog with whipped cream

Dirtiest kid

Scott enjoying fatherhood with his sweet Georgia peach

Jenni

Hyrum, William, Brennen, Peter

Some were a little more subdued this time around but once we all got there and started chatting and telling stories it felt good.  I am so glad for this tradition my dad started so many years ago that we can now share with our children.  We celebrated Georgia's birthday and the kids got dirty dirty dirty.  I think Lizzy won the dirtiest kid award but she couldn't have been happier.  Even TK who is usually pristine was dirty.

Filthy Brennen

Matt, Scott, Shane

TK

Peter

Memorial Day 2013

This year was my first official memorial day.  I say that because this is the first year someone really close to me has passed away. We decided it would be a good Sunday activity to go visit my dad's grave.  They didn't have his headstone placed yet but we needed to be there.
I was prepared for this day to be really sad. I feel like my dad's passing is still very fresh.  Anyone that know me knows I hate to cry.  I am sometimes called the woman with a heart of stone, or "the Borg" (half robot/ half human).  It's not that I don't feel, I just prefer not to share my emotions.  Although I realize I am getting better the older I get. So, I prepared myself to be able to deal with the sadness.  Some could say I am good at compartmentalizing.  However when we pulled up to the grave site to me it felt a little more like a family reunion.
My dad was buried near his parents and other siblings in a tucked away in a quaint little cemetery.  Walking across the grass we met family that was already there. We talked, laughed, and shared stories of past and present. It was a beautiful day full of thankfulness and gratitude.  I felt completely at peace.  That is until I looked around the cemetery and noticed a young family kneeling next to a headstone.  There was a dad and his children but no mother.  I didn't dare disturb this sacred moment between a family but I couldn't help but realize they were visiting their mother.
The heartbreak I felt for them as they silently cried over this headstone.  How tragic to loose a mother with so many young children.  As I looked back over to my family and  the contrast between the too, I was again filled with an overwhelming sense of peace and gratitude.
Jenni was super cute.  She cupped her hands around her mouth and yelled to the ground "WE LOVE YOU GRANDPA"  When her dad mentioned that he is in heaven now she changed her direction and yelled into the sky "WE LOVE YOU GRANDPA"  these little ones are so sweet.

Scottie's kids brought grandpa little notes wraped around flashlights.  The Reeves brought a tomato plant, the rest brought various flowers.  All so fitting for my dad. We will visit again for Father's day to see his headstone.  Thanks again for everything dad.  We love you.

Stories of dad

The day before we left for New York we got the wonderful news that the cancer in my dad's hip had stopped growing. Or rather they hadn't seen any new growth in the last 7 months due to the radiation treatments.  We were overjoyed.  The doctor wanted to do a follow up and give him a chest x-ray just to cover all her bases.  This chest x-ray was done while we were in New York.  When we got back we received the devastating news that the lesions in his lungs that were the size of babies fingernails in march were now the size of an apple and a plum.  With out treatment he had 3 months.  With treatment it only works on 1 in 10 and the rest it just gives them a little more time.  Talk about a punch in the gut.
In lieu of this news I have decided to try and record any stories that he has told us about his childhood or growing up, things he's learned in life etc. I just want a record of the amazing man who is Lucky Wright. Most likely I will publish them in a separate book so that his grand children and great grandchildren will know him better.  My loving aunt compiled similar books of my Wright grandparents and I have decided to take the torch so-to-speak. If any of you have any such stories I would love to have them.  I will except email, letters, comments on this post, or even a phone call where you can tell me the story and I will write it down.  The stories don't have to be grand, I will start you all off with one of his most recent confessions.

He was put in school early and he said he was always upset about that.  He was always the youngest. (Being number 13 out of 15 children I think this added to the too young syndrome). Anyway he said he always regretted it because he really liked sports but being the youngest (and probably smallest) he wasn't always chosen for the teams.  He says it something he never really got over.

Now I know my dad played football but I didn't know he liked sports so much.  You would never really know that growing up with him.  Sure he watched the occasional football game and we played baseball every Sunday but he never came across as a sports man to me.

new respect for my Dad

I got a new toy that I totally could have used at least 5 times earlier this week and it would have saved me so much time and effort.  Its a scroll saw.  I really don't know why it took me so long to get one when I obviously needed it.

I have been doing some projects with Ellie and I now have a new found respect for my dad.  My dad is a carpenter.  He would take us to work with him when we were very little,  teaching us what the tools were and how to use them.  Not just the screw drivers and the drills but nailers, sanders, bands saws, planers etc.  I never realized how frustrating it is to teach a kid the proper way to use a tool.  First they have to know what all the parts are called then the proper way to use them.  It took me 20 minutes to teach Ellie how to use a drill.  Explain what the different drill bits were called and how to change them out, then how to hold the drill making sure it was going the right direction.  Something I had definitely taken for granted because I have always known thanks to my dad.  My dad the Master Teacher.  Every time we asked my dad for help on something he would begin by giving us the history of whatever it was, then help us with it. For example I once asked him to show me how to change a tire and he proceeded with giving me the history of the jack and all the different types of jacks.  I remember being annoyed at the history lesson and just wanted to change the dang tire, but now I know so much more and believe it or not that knowledge has come in handy more than once.
So with Ellie we continued on to sanders and files which  needed MORE teaching.  I was getting so frustrated it was making these projects take so much longer than needed, but if I didn't teach her now then when? 
My dad always said if its worth doing its worth doing right, he showed us if we prepare and do the proper steps the project comes out so much better.  This requires a lot of patience!!! So thanks dad for teaching me, teaching me how to use tools, how to build stuff, and more importantly patience.

the big C

We just found out that my dad has cancer.  It all started with a fall at work, he hurt his leg and it just wasn't getting any better, he thought maybe he had and internal bruise or maybe a hairline fracture.  With lots of scans and doctors they determined he has Chondrosarcoma.  This is a caner that starts in the cartilage and works its way into the bone and then into the muscle.  His is located in his right hip. There is not a lot they can do with this kind of cancer.  We are told his options are
 1. operation to cut out the bone-  This is actually not an option for him because of his age and heart health.  It's a 6 hour surgery and they would most likely lose him on the table so that's out.
2. Radiation-  this would only shrink the tumor 10% but would not fix anything.  At best it will help with pain management.
3. Chemo- does not work on this type of cancer and would only make his quality of life worse.  So never mind its not even an option.
His Chondrosarcoma is a stage 2.  1 being the least and 3 being the most severe.
Basically it all boils down to managing pain and giving him an approximate expiration date.  They give him 2-4 years. They believe this tumor has been growing for about 10 years, so that limp he has had for the last 10 years was not just him getting old, not from years of manual labor, and not his gout acting up, it was this cancer.
I remember when I got news of his first heart attack.  We were on our way to visit them for a summer vacation when I got the call.  There is something shocking when you find out the man who you knew could DO anything, FIX everything, leap over small buildings in a single bound is actually a mortal.  It was such an eye opener for me and I was really surprised at my reaction to the news.  This time around I felt like I was a little more prepared, just a little mind you.  I started to contemplate how I felt about this news, denial of course was my first thought then I took a more logical approach.
Now I am at the point of gratitude.  I am grateful that I have had so much time with him.  Grateful that he has been such a good teacher and father. Grateful that we were able to move closer to him so my children could know him better.  Grateful that I am here to help in anyway possible. And most grateful that I have an understanding of the atonement and after life.
Now I am not writing him off just yet.  There is plenty of time for my littlest one to really get to know his grandpa. So here's praying for the 4 or more years will you join me?