The days after. .

I am so grateful I was able to be there for my dad's passing on April 4th 2013 just days after Easter.  As I stood by his bedside I was so sad but I could feel those prayers of others buoying me up.  I could feel the presence of the spirit giving me comfort in my time of need. I was so appreciative that I was able to say goodbye, to kiss his head one more time. As I wondered how we would get along without him I was comforted to know that he was happy to be able to work again without this earthly body holding him back.
I called Scott and had him bring the kids over to say goodbye.  It was hard for the older ones but I felt it was good closure for them.  Although my little ones keep asking, "Is grandpa still dead? When does he come alive again?  Doesn't he get resurrected?" What an amazing opportunity to teach my children more about the gospel.  To their understanding Jesus was only dead for 3 days then was resurrected.  After almost a week they asked "Okay mom its been more than 3 days when is grandpa coming back?"  It's taken some time for them to understand when they have no concept of time.  But again I am blessed to have so many chances to talk and teach of their grandpa, the gospel and my testimony.
I was surprised of the joyful spirit that accompanied his viewing Monday night.  Even though the weather was cold and rainy I felt the prayers of everyone supporting me.  I found it oddly comforting to help those that were really struggling with my dad's death.  When someone would come up so sad and so upset I found myself smiling and saying it was going to be okay.  That's the difference the knowledge of the gospel makes.
I think his brother David took it the hardest.  It took him all night to get up to the casket to say goodbye to his best friend and partner in crime.
The hardest part for me was the next day at the final viewing when they closed the casket.  I could feel my heart break in two as the final screws sealed his body in the beautiful casket my brother-in-law Matt made as  a tribute to him, a fellow carpenter and master craftsman.
The service was beautiful, funny, and spiritual.  All of his children including me talked and there were 3 musical numbers.  I conducted the grandchildren in singing families can be together forever. It almost took everything out of me to do it.  But I am comforted to know my parents were sealed in the temple for time and all eternity. 
The grave side service was short but sweet and extremely cold.  I am starting to think it was designed that way on purpose so that we wouldn't stand around and wallow in our sadness.  My dad hated it when we were idle.  He had a quote in his office that said "the greatest cure for worry is work."
So in honor of my dad and his love for work that he instilled  in us I put myself work the day after.  I got out my chainsaw and cut down all those branches I had piling up.  I was so grateful my chainsaw didn't give me any guff.  I think my dad had a hand in its performance.  The hard labor was so therapeutic for me I just wish the weather would get nicer for more therapy sessions.
As of now I am doing okay.  Of course there are times when I spontaneously break down into tears of sadness.  Usually it is triggered by a memory or seeing something that my dad would have done or said.  I was driving into the Walmart parking lot when I saw this grandpa in a cowboy hat and boots holding hands with his grandsons walking toward the store.  Immediately my eyes filled with tears and I had to turn back.  I was too emotional to go to the store. I guess we will all just take it one day at a time.